Today is Ash Wednesday (“ah, you bear the mark of Catholicism”) and the first day of the pre-Easter period known as Lent. I was raised by a Catholic mother and in our family everybody had to give up something for Lent (we were not part of the ‘do something every day’ philosophy, we were old school Catholics who had to suffer). I think I gave up chocolate every year, just because it was easiest. It was what my mother gave up every year, so I knew there wouldn’t be any in the house to tempt me, and that there would also be a massive basket of it on the coffee table first thing Easter morning.
I used to joke that one year I gave up Catholicism for Lent, and forgot to go back. My transition from being a Catholic to being a “something undefined” to being a “nothing/probably Humanist Atheist” wasn’t quite actually quite that quick. It took a few years. Honestly, it’s still happening. I still tend to think of myself as Agnostic, but other people would probably call me an Atheist, or even, an anti-theist (definite no on the last one, I don’t care if you want to believe in a religion, but I care when you try to take it out of your home and your church and force it on others, either through laws, public schools, or door to door soliciting). I do not believe in “God” as defined by any group that I’ve come across in my decades on this planet so far, but I do not rule out the possibility of a higher existence than we experience as humans on earth. Maybe that’s just because I miss all of the family members that I have lost since 1987 and I want to believe they still exist somewhere where I will see them again someday. Maybe I’m really just a “heavenist”. Whatever, moving on…
This post is supposed to be about Lent, and giving something up. Which I am going to do this year. Actually, it’s something that I am going to stretch beyond Lent and into the rest of my life.
I am giving up diets. I am giving up food anxiety. I am giving up food fear. Forever (or until a medical doctor tells me I have to do something for a very specific reason).
See, when you can stand in the produce section at the grocery store and pick up an item, say a potato, and know all the arguments for and against presented by the different diets and food theorists and nutjob blogs out there on the inter tubes, then you have a problem. I have become that person. Potatoes. Ugh, don’t even get me started on beans. And tomatoes. Yep, somebody hates tomatoes and wants you to ban them from your plate forever.
So goodbye Paleo, South Beach, Raw food, Food combining, Food order, Glycemic index, Low fat, low carb, Zone, blood type, moon phase, zodiac sign, eye color, hair color, low protein, SlimFast, Nutrisystem, and so on. Good bye guilt, good bye spoon/plate/cup shaming, good bye “I’ll make up for this tomorrow.” Good bye to all of it. And good riddance.
Yes, I am 40 pounds overweight (or more, or less, depending who you ask), but my weight gain is not the real problem, it is a symptom of other things, most importantly the near constant pain and state of injury that I feel I’ve been in since about the summer of 2008 (including the low back pain I feel right now as I’m writing this, and I don’t know what caused this most recent flare up). That is where the bulk of my energy should be focused. The state of my strength, not the state of my weight.
So, I will go back to the tried and true “Calories Out exceeding Calories In” formula, and not punish myself with a long list of banned foods. I will search out good healthy recipes to cook for dinner for my husband and myself, but I will not waste time debating the many thousands of food theories out there in the world. I don’t know how much time I have left on this planet, but I don’t feel like I should waste any more of it on this BS (I could use that time to play Candy Crush instead).
I want to be strong and physically fit and able to move freely and play tennis again, and ride a bike, and take long walks in interesting places, and swim, and maybe even take that trapeze class on Santa Monica pier. If I can get back to doing all those things again. I’ll take whatever weight/body shape that comes with it.
I used to joke that one year I gave up Catholicism for Lent, and forgot to go back. My transition from being a Catholic to being a “something undefined” to being a “nothing/probably Humanist Atheist” wasn’t quite actually quite that quick. It took a few years. Honestly, it’s still happening. I still tend to think of myself as Agnostic, but other people would probably call me an Atheist, or even, an anti-theist (definite no on the last one, I don’t care if you want to believe in a religion, but I care when you try to take it out of your home and your church and force it on others, either through laws, public schools, or door to door soliciting). I do not believe in “God” as defined by any group that I’ve come across in my decades on this planet so far, but I do not rule out the possibility of a higher existence than we experience as humans on earth. Maybe that’s just because I miss all of the family members that I have lost since 1987 and I want to believe they still exist somewhere where I will see them again someday. Maybe I’m really just a “heavenist”. Whatever, moving on…
This post is supposed to be about Lent, and giving something up. Which I am going to do this year. Actually, it’s something that I am going to stretch beyond Lent and into the rest of my life.
I am giving up diets. I am giving up food anxiety. I am giving up food fear. Forever (or until a medical doctor tells me I have to do something for a very specific reason).
See, when you can stand in the produce section at the grocery store and pick up an item, say a potato, and know all the arguments for and against presented by the different diets and food theorists and nutjob blogs out there on the inter tubes, then you have a problem. I have become that person. Potatoes. Ugh, don’t even get me started on beans. And tomatoes. Yep, somebody hates tomatoes and wants you to ban them from your plate forever.
So goodbye Paleo, South Beach, Raw food, Food combining, Food order, Glycemic index, Low fat, low carb, Zone, blood type, moon phase, zodiac sign, eye color, hair color, low protein, SlimFast, Nutrisystem, and so on. Good bye guilt, good bye spoon/plate/cup shaming, good bye “I’ll make up for this tomorrow.” Good bye to all of it. And good riddance.
Yes, I am 40 pounds overweight (or more, or less, depending who you ask), but my weight gain is not the real problem, it is a symptom of other things, most importantly the near constant pain and state of injury that I feel I’ve been in since about the summer of 2008 (including the low back pain I feel right now as I’m writing this, and I don’t know what caused this most recent flare up). That is where the bulk of my energy should be focused. The state of my strength, not the state of my weight.
So, I will go back to the tried and true “Calories Out exceeding Calories In” formula, and not punish myself with a long list of banned foods. I will search out good healthy recipes to cook for dinner for my husband and myself, but I will not waste time debating the many thousands of food theories out there in the world. I don’t know how much time I have left on this planet, but I don’t feel like I should waste any more of it on this BS (I could use that time to play Candy Crush instead).
I want to be strong and physically fit and able to move freely and play tennis again, and ride a bike, and take long walks in interesting places, and swim, and maybe even take that trapeze class on Santa Monica pier. If I can get back to doing all those things again. I’ll take whatever weight/body shape that comes with it.
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